I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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