I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
