he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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