umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
