Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
