Moan for me like Helen Keller
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
