he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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