dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
