The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
