3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I looked at my own cervix.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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