It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
