i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
