i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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