i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
