I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
