Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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