so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
