I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
