sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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