i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
