So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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