If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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