tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
