if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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