So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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