um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
