so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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