Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Drunk is a universal language darling
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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