Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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