Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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