this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
