Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
