why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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