When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
