can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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