He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
