She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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