in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
