Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
