I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
