everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
