i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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