I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
