But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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