you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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