im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
