I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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