Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
