I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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