his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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