WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
please come you make the beer taste better
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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