Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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