i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
