It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
