You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
