I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
