Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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