i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
