Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
