He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
