youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
