He is such a slut. More and more my type.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
please come you make the beer taste better
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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