is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
