so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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