Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They are going to name an STD after you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
