I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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