Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
