Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
