Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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