Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I could make wine with my vomit
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
