his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
