Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
