Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
