I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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