We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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